Author Archives: 3under3

Watching my son throw a ball and turn his hand, as if to say ‘where it go?’ a dozen odd times is making me think, what weird routine did my daughter do at that age? At the moment she’s asking everyone ‘what’s your favourite…’ again and again. That’s 2. But what did she do repeatedly at 1? And when the next baby comes, will I forget my sons?

Camera phones make catching these moments lot easier. But do you remember and are you making a separate ‘The weird stuff your kids did’ folder… I stopped making folders in my phone gallery when I became preggers with baby 2. Everything happens too quick and unplanned now. But I’ll most likely forget what I’m looking at in 6 months because they’re not.

Does anyone still use Facebook? I’ve always been a Reddit / Twitter gal. But used to use Facebook to save photos (on private settings). Stopped doing that too!

Everything is a mess right now. I hate living like this! Needs organising, if only these head aches would let me function! Pivoting a little a lot, but whether your preggers or not, how do you function mid head ache? Tie your head with a scarf/paracetamol? Or do you stop and wait for it to pass? Unfortunately with kids and pretty much being the only ‘main’ carer for them, letting it pass isn’t an option.

Another pivot… did anyone listen to the ‘sliced bread’ (I think the show is called) radio 4 show yesterday on painkillers? I half listened… forever hungry and needy babies at my feet make it difficult! Did they say paracetamol for headaches was effective even… or a placebo.

This chop and change of topics is a reflection of my life & my house right now. Things are literally everywhere. My husband is always tired and can’t help me… I’m pregnant and the symptoms just keep getting in the way of me doing anything. Having one child after the other is a blessing, I’m so grateful our family is becoming complete, but it really has played a toll on my health. More women and those supporting need to recognise this.

From the moment of conception, when the baby is taking from you to help grow it’s nerves and vessels… and your debilitating nausea to your growing baby, pelvic girdle pain, high blood pressure, causing all sorts of life changing symptoms. You and those around you not only need to accept your body (and mind) is changing, but you need to make changes to lifestyle.

This isn’t a rant… This is just me writing about how I’m slowly losing my mind but having to keep it together as I have too many people relying on me…

The cravings continue… Up to make myself Chicken Manchurian whilst feeling guilty that my 2yo is gonna be watching TV the whole time I’m cooking 😦

Peace and love

Had a lovely afternoon at the National Gallery this weekend. It was heavily raining, so the gallery was packed out! But we still got to see most of the paintings we set out for.

I’ve called this post ‘Rousseau’s tiger’ because his picture ‘Surprised’, my daughter’s favourite, was one whose backstory stood out. If you don’t know it, it’s of a tiger crouching in a ‘Mexican’ jungle. I put Mexican in commas because, Mexico doesn’t have any tigers! Tigers are from Bangladesh/India areas or Sumatra/Indonesia. Russia even, but no where close to Mexico!

As a keen zoologist, I spotted that straight away. Rousseau, or his fans, made up that he joined the French army and travelled to Mexico where he saw a tiger. He didn’t join the army or go to Mexico! His inspiration actually came from illustrated books and the botanical gardens in Paris, as well as tableaux of ‘taxidermified’ wild animals.

It got me thinking, this dude could paint a picture from picture book inspo, around the 1880s and it be ‘so good’ that it’s memorialised in the National Gallery 200 years later. Wow! Have I got it all wrong?? I make huge efforts to make sure that my children don’t just see tigers and other subjects on YouTube and in their story books, but that they see them in real life.

Perhaps all these gadgets and fancies aren’t what we need. Maybe we need to rewind and take inspiration for how they lived? I don’t mean we should regress and sell our fridges and washing machines, and not travel or visit the zoo to see tigers… After all, there’s only one Henri Rousseau… But take a look at what worked for them and keep hold of it.

No… I haven’t thrown out all the noisy and flashy toys LOL! But I do feel ok letting my children play by themselves with few toys like blocks and tea cups sets. Not all day… my daughter would probably go full mode in to imaginary world if it was all day… but chunks in the day, I just let her play or draw a tiger.

I attend a weekly study of the Quran, the Quran is our Holy Book, and this week we finished discussing ‘The greatest Verse’. I really enjoyed this session as I read this verse a few times a day to myself and my children, and it felt good knowing the words without looking.

I had some ‘spare’ time today, because I had cooked the last few days and only had to cook breakfast, and put together lunch and dinner. So I decided to look up another quran study, of a shorter ‘chapter’ called ‘The Earthquake’ and was pleasantly surprised at how much of a boost it gave me. Took me.. it brought me closer to reality.

The verse/verses that stood out were, “And when the earth throws out its burdens,..That Day it will declare its information (about all what happened over it of good or evil)…” Burdens here basically means dead people! The once stable and reliable earth will have transformed and regurgitated all the dead bodies that had died within.

So, a murderer will be churned out and (whether caught or not) will say, “I killed for this”. He will have no control over his faculties, and the Earth being a witness to his crimes will speak out against the evil, or for the good, people did. Wow! That is both terrifying and refreshing. And so graphic, even though it’s nothing like what we’ve witnessed.

Studying really helps boost the morale. Any kind of study does I think, but for me this hit the spot! Gonna go put on the ‘Qariah’ app of women reciters and listen to the ‘chapter’ now! Ciao

On the way back from the puppet show at St Martens, we drove passed Cafe Nero. A huge wave of nostalgia swept over me when seeing the dim lights and people underneath them reading, writing and chatting away. Oh how I miss the days I was one of those people.

I wouldn’t want to rub my children off the script, they complete me, but I would rewind everything else to go back to those happy days of sipping latte and chai teas and proof reading documents for work and typing up text for various fundraisers.

I saw a meme the other day on paper copy loyalty cards. How the person preferred electronic ones because they’d have several with one stamp of coffee on each! So annoying when that would happen! Although my main work bag was the same, I’d have different little bags and purses. Everything now is electronic, and I have most of my important things on my phone, because I only have one of those!

Remembering these little things with you has cheered me up tonnes! Driving pass Cafe Nero gave me a massive boost! I was really upset from some events that day, but seeing the blue & white cafe Nero sign and the cosy work-social atmosphere inside drew a genuine smile on my face.

I was so tired, feeling nauseas and lower pregnancy evening pain flared up, but managed to keep on my feet going when we got home. Fed and changed the kids ready for bed, cleaned up their mess and all from that seeing my dearest little coffee grotto.

Do you keep a blog? Journal? How often are you posting?

I find it difficult expressing myself when in height of emotion. Especially when something upsets me. I tend to internalise my feelings to a point I can’t even update my private journal. I think it’s because expressing means accepting what’s happened ‘to me’ and I’m not ready to sign off and put a box around my situation.

So sometimes I log off. Not because nothing is going on, but because too much is! And I want to be more in control of my emotions before sharing with you all, even before sharing in my private diary. How do you respond to negative situations?

What about talking to others about a situation / event that you’ve just experienced? Are you able to pick up the phone and vent? I used to be able to, but not any more! Is that maturity? Or insecurity?

I keep going on about this, but I’m very tired! I get up around 2am and then again 6am with both kids on top of me and a full bladder. And I don’t stop till 7.30/8pm bed time. God forbid I take it easy after that LOL! So my day is from around 6am-10pm.

Sitting down and listening to a quran recital or just hearing the 99 names read really help calm me. Especially if by a female reciter. I definitely recommend all ladies try this out! The Qariah quran app is full of lady reciters!

Thinking about it, I always find hearing other women talk more calming. I enjoy woman’s hour, radio 4.. just other ladies talking about things. Even if I don’t get the topic.. it’s nice to hear other ladies thoughts.

By women I mean, other humans with female body parts. Just read Scotland and now Spain don’t acknowledge biological made female as the only ‘type’ of woman. Is having these new definitions more of an insult to me as a woman or a seed of knotweed planted in their society. Whoever came up with this crazy idea? A man? And how can the people ruling a country be so blind, this concept of gender fluidity can be catastrophic! Goodness!

Gender dysphoria is not really considered as a dysphoria in todays society. But a psychological norm that doesn’t need help. How society changes… Not good vibes about it though 😦 Having it become legal to declare yourself as the opposite gender to your biological sex doesn’t sit right with me…

Last night I took out some mutton to make a pilau. Pre pregnancy I would have meal prepped, made the base, after the kids bed time and completed the final touches the next day before serving. First trimester, however, has literally knocked me out! Nausea aside, the fatigue is real people! I can’t remember it as much with the first two kids because there was just none or one baby to nap, feed, change, bath… entertain aka educate! With two hectic schedules to manoeuvre around, I get no time to chill, use the washroom, eat even! It gets very tiring…

Anyways back to food! Came down, sat with the kids for a bit. I’m still breast feeding baby Y, so he always wants to feed when we reunite… or more like whenever I sit down… (I need to sort that out soon!) And after many trips back and forth to the sofa, almost losing hope and thinking of tucking into my savings again to order everyone breakfast! I eventually got a break and made everyone Turkey sandwiches. Sent my husband’s upstairs and had mine with the kids in high chairs.

My work-from-home husband had a lunch meeting, so I thought I’d have less to do for lunch time, but he went to the wrong place and the meeting was postponed and he was back home for lunch.. Thankfully he was too busy to eat! So I could continue with dinner!

My cooking, like everything else in life, happens in stages. Sauté onions happened in the morning. I never have time to let them dissolve in their own steam so I fry them and use a hand held blender to get the job done quicker. After doing the kids lunch I added the meat and spices. We like our meat really tender, so cooking meat takes a while. I would use the pressure cooker my dad got me to help but… it’s packed away nicely at the back of the cupboard and I had already use our regular pan… one less pot to wash etc etc.

It was around this time that my head was killing me. But I had a dish to complete and two kids to put down for a nap. I had to make some choices. The throb was becoming unbearable, so naturally I went for the harder option… putting the two kids down for a nap!

I always ask God for help, or I do when I slow down long enough to remember to! And that’s exactly what I did before napping them. Asking Him to help me put the kids down! Thanks God it only took me 35 mins before they were both out! When Baby Y feeds to sleep he’s very forceful, & that doesn’t help my nausea! But in yesterday nap time my head ache felt more of a pain than the nausea… so I gave in took a paracetamol before knocking out for an hour with the children. First day time nap this week! Woo hoo!

I have just confirmed that I am expecting my third baby. I love it already, I’m just not sure how we gonna’ cope!

Like most mothers, if not all secretly, I love my two snuggle bugs more than life! They are hard work though… Baby Z is 2.5yrs and Baby Y is 11months… do you get it now? If you don’t, it means you’ve forgotten or not experienced motherhood yet.

When do I tell anyone? I’m slightly embarrassed, I still have the post natal pregnancy pouch from Baby Y! To be honest I even hate telling people when I’m on my period, I’m weird like that. So I’ve created this blog, to tell the whole world… that mystery woman Z is having a baby ya’ll! And it feels good!

No it doesn’t… it feels horrible. I feel like vomiting all day and all night! But nothing actually comes out. I think I was like this with baby Y. Nauseas but not actually vomiting… I want it to come out but I don’t. My mouth gets dry because I have to breathe through my mouth, because if I breathe through my nose the smells make the nausea worse. A common denominator in all three of my pregnancies? Strepsils!

I better go down relieve my husband from breakfast duty. He has them for an hour in the mornings, I have them for an hour pre breakfast, before he takes them down, and now we switch places so he can go to work whilst I resume life with my 3 under 3

Here we go!